Valentines Day this year was probably the most different out of the past 19. The difference was that I actually had a guy to worry about. A guy I am– was exclusive with. I mention the past tense because I currently do not know where we stand. We’re still working it out.
A little bit of background info on this guy. We’ll call him Andrew. I met him off Tinder. Our first date was at Starbucks. He was not what I expected. Wasn’t really my type, but when he smiled, he was cute. Andrew was the first guy I’ve talked to everyday over text for more than a week. I thought he was boyfriend material; however, I knew we weren’t going to be anything but a “something” because he’s going to be deployed in a couple months. To be honest, I was willing to be that military girlfriend who waits for their boyfriend to come home. But I always doubted myself at the same time. Could I really wait 8 months? I should probably clarify that I started thinking about this like the first month we started “dating” each other. Yes, I was getting ahead of myself. I’ve never had a boyfriend before so I wasn’t really sure how this whole dating thing worked no matter how many times I asked google for advice. So I turn to my friends, they advised that I ask him where I stand with him. So I did, and it turned into the “exclusive” talk. We then both agreed we wanted to be exclusive with each other. THE END–
–NOT. Being exclusive does not necessarily mean bf/gf in this generation of dating. However, I did specifically ask him what exclusive meant. He told me “not seeing anyone else”. Sounds fair. Fast forward to now. I’ve been telling one of my good friend how I’ve been feeling really confused with my relationship with Andrew. So, when one of her friend was in town, she wanted to help me confirm my relationship by asking her visiting friend to find Andrew on Tinder– cause he still had it, even though we were “exclusive”– and see if he will start talking to her. Girls are the best detectives when it comes to men, okay. So, they easily found him. Low and behold, they matched. Here’s the first flag, they matched even though this visiting friend was just in town for a few hours…which meant, Andrew was still fcking active on Tinder. So active that when the visiting friend messaged him hey, Andrew replied within a minute. He flirted with her calling her beautiful and such and etcetera. The visiting friend tried to low-key ask him if he was seeing anyone at the moment (a.k.a. me), this is what he said:
Yes, I cringe at his grammar mistake (past English Major here), but that’s another story. “Haven’t found anything exclusive yet”. Okay, there bud. Although, I’m surprised he did mention he had a “friend” which I conclude as me because I do travel a lot, and we have dinner often. But who knows, maybe he’s seeing someone else. I WOULDN’T KNOW. The visiting friend prodded him further:
“I have, although situation dictated differently”? WTF. Speak english PLS. My friend and I were confused AF about what he was trying to say. From my interpretation, he meant that he wanted to be exclusive, but maybe because of his situation he can’t? But that’s still stupid because if he was talking about me, from what we agreed on, we were exclusive. He just did not want to admit it because he wants to be available. And the final blow, “you got snapchat?”. That just confirmed how much of a fuck boy he is. I might be blowing the situation out of proportion, but if he really wanted to keep talking to girls, he shouldn’t have agreed to be exclusive. That’s what really pissed me off. I took that status more seriously, and put in more effort when he didn’t treat our relationship any differently when we first met.
To those who are in a similar situation, the advice I’m going to follow myself is to talk it out. I’m not going to confront him about why he still has Tinder, but I will ask him about what our relationship means to him because obviously, we’re not exclusive in his eyes. So good luck to all of us playing this dating game. Hope we all win in the end.