In this day and age, dating has become more confusing than ever. Nothing is straightforward anymore. Everyone is playing cat and mouse, push and pull, and etcetera. But the most elusive term I find in this generation of dating is the status of being “exclusive“.
Urban Dictionary defines exclusive as “The state of being in a relationship with someone where you are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, and there is no-one else involved. Usually attained after going on a couple of good dates with someone“. According to the site, this is the top definition of exclusive; however, just scroll down a smidge and you will find a second definition: “The state of being with one person, and only one person, without labeling yourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend“. So, even after consulting with the dictionary for millennials, I was more confused than ever. The two definitions are similar in that the relationship is between two people and no one else, but the other without an official title. So basically, the second definition of exclusive is being boyfriend/girlfriend just without the commitment that comes with that title. I CALL BULLSHIT. It is a frustrating term to define because it makes relationships so much more ambiguous than they should be. Take my friend’s story for an example. She was seeing this guy for a couple months, and one day, the guy tried to get into her pants, but before anything happened, she told him she wasn’t going to have sex with him unless he was her boyfriend. So, later on, the guy asked her to be exclusive. Being new to the dating world, she immediately thought that term meant they were bf/gf, and so, they had sex. However, skip a month later, the guy texts her:
My friend was pissed. She thought that she made it clear that he can’t have sex with her unless he was her boyfriend, but apparently, they weren’t on the same page. Anyways, long story short, he did ask her to be her girlfriend eventually, and they are still together. Morale of this story? The definition of exclusive depends on the person. I especially find that more guys tend to define exclusivity as a relationship with all the benefits of a bf/gf relationship just without the official title. Maybe because they are afraid to commit? *cough* fuckboys *cough*
A personal example, I am dating a guy who I am exclusive with. Why I’m writing this blog post? Specifically because I have this dilemma of not know what my relationship with him actually is. When we agreed to be exclusive, I actually did ask him what exclusive means, and he told me “not seeing anybody else”. OKAY. Great definition. So precise, I don’t even need to google it…FUCK THAT. Right after I got home, I googled and read a handful of articles debating the status of “exclusive”. Similar to Urban Dictionary, many of these articles debated exclusive as being official bf/gf and exclusive as a status that doesn’t have such titles. So how will I ever come into conclusion to where I stand with this guy I’m dating? Well, I’m planning to just be straight up ask my guy if we are boyfriend/girlfriend, and not over text, but in person. I think that’s when I will truly get a satisfying confirmation.
To those who are in a similar confused state as I am, I advice to do the same because trying to figure it out on my own left me more confused, and it actually led me to doubt the guy I’m seeing. So, I hope, to all the confused souls out there, that we can overcome this ambiguous term of “exclusivity” and have solid relationships. Good lucks!